#bc im pretty sure this hyper self reliant and aloof behavior might be a problem and im told actually im doing splendid. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ithacanradio · 1 month ago

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the most gorgeous man I've ever known sent me a drunk voice message hurt that i left my job at the bar he goes to without telling him and adding that he saw me on tv speaking about palestine, which turned into me telling my ex boss to give him my number, and the sober voice message was much worse because this sweet guy just tells me that he's so proud of me and then i can feel him like talking with a constricted throat saying he understands that i left and closes with "from the river to the sea" and doesn't it just suck that some things have no hope of ever beginning and yet still end somehow

#there is literally no way something could have come of it he lives in that pub and i don't want to go back there #he has addiction problems and I never had a relationship with anyone #it still sucks that these are facts cause i liked him a lot. and also im not kidding when i say he is the hottest dude I've ever seen.#this is maybe the first time i wish i was heterosexual and/or have less impulse control #radio live transmission #sorry over sharing again cause the psychologist still has to tell me when the first appointment will be #(they kinda also told me i dont really need one which is funny bc the first time i try not to do things alone in my life #bc im pretty sure this hyper self reliant and aloof behavior might be a problem and im told actually im doing splendid.#i won at therapy ig)#also i told everyone there that i moved back home because im a lying liar and #thank god he still hasn't done the math that he saw me on tv still in turin #ive had Cold as Ice by the Foreigners playing on loop the entire day trying to get back in character #like. you'd think if i HAVE to experience something close to heartbreak then at least i could have had sex with the #hottest guy in the city. no. i just get the half assed symptoms of it after having conversations with him every weekend for three months #ranging from his cocaine addiction to police violence to the one time he was staring at nothing by the store room where i went to pick stuf #and he offered to take me to miami and i panicked and joked that he didnt have the money and left.#this sucks.

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